The P&H Cafe

The P & H Cafe

1532 Madison Ave, Memphis TN

"Some people graduate from film school, but i graduated from the P&H"

-Craig Brewer

Nestled in the heart of the Memphis Midtown between several trendy(i.e. extremely seedy) gay bars is the only Memphis bar I know of with a low quality indie film named after it. Memphis's resident film auteur Craig Brewer (Hustle and Flow, Black Snake Moan) made his first movie centering around a Memphis car thief who frequents the P&H entitled The Poor and Hungry. This has lead to some confusion as to the meaning of the bar's initials, which were originally meant to stand for Peace and Harmony. The P&H is decidedly divey, filled with cigarette smoke and bathroom graffiti of the first order, but has a unique atmosphere that makes it a favorite of aging and current hipsters, yuppies trying to recapture their youth, and the arty college set (IE, white, tattooed, college-aged stoners). Some of the qualities that attract this demographic are the displays from local artists spread across the walls, the murals of Memphis political caricatures and a number of weekly events.

Notably, The P&H has the most competitive, difficult and lucrative team trivia night in Memphis. As opposed to other free trivia games that reward you with bar tabs, this trivia's reward is REAL cash pooled from the $3 per person entry fee. Teams are limited to six people, which you should fill with your five most knowledgeable friends, and definitely someone who has an expertise in Memphis history.

This is also the bar to go too for the jankiest karaoke in the mid-south. They have a million songs from a-p. Just a-p though. Also, they don't have a karaoke machine so much as some dude's laptop. Also their song lists are loose piles of computer paper that are out of order. And the drunk ass that runs it lets hot chicks go first, and also outed someone as gay over the loudspeaker in front of friends who were not aware of this part of his personality. But they do invite everyone on stage at the end of the night to sing Lee Greenwood's "Proud to be an American" (note the P) so that's kind of cool. Kind of.

Some other features of the P&H are some very well kept pool tables and darts, wonderful grease burgers, and cheap beer. I give the P&H 0/0 pictures of my self drunk, because I couldn't find any on my facebook.

Neil's Bar and Grill

Neil's Bar & Grille

1835 Madison AvenueMemphis, TN 38103901-278-6345

Neils is a large multipurpose bar located in the heart of Midtown that begins what i informally regard as the Madison Strip: a group of bars that begins at Neil's and ends at the P&H Cafe. Neil's attracts a wide range of clientle because it offers a wide range of activities. As a young man with a fake ID i was first dragged here by fraternity brothers to participate in Karaoke night on Wednesday for their entertainment. Thus began my well documented love affair with Karaoke.

Neils also boasts weekly performances by this man:

That's Eddie Smith on guitar. He does skillful country standards every Friday on what Neil's boasts to be the biggest deck in the city. He a attracts a crowd that knows choreography for "Paint Me a Birmingham", has memorized the secret third verse to "Friends in Low Places" and shout out requests for "Freebird" unironically. I can say first hand that he has developed a fanatical if unlikely local following.

Three mouthbreathing rednecks ignore their dates and gawk at Eddie. Pathetic.

Easily my favorite aspect of Neil's is this little beauty in the corner:

So many hours of my life, so many dollars of my pay, so many spots
on my liver...

Neil's boasts a highly competetive (and highly seedy) microcosm of shufflepuck enthusiasts with whom the experienced pucker can test his skill. Beginners will be welcomed with open arms, shown a few of the basics, offered a friendly wager and then hustled out of all of their beer money. Watch your back.

Of course Neil's does have some drawbacks. As foreshadowed above, Neil's attracts a pretty shady crowd of bikers and rednecks, in addition to obnoxious college kids who like to hog the pool table. The atmosphere and staff lack the friendliness you would like from a neighborhood watering hole, especially Neil's son who has a history of being a grade A douche on occasion.

In lieu of an accurate rating i'm rating this two drunk pictures of myself in neils, which are worth about .23 Drunk Zinnie's pictures each.