Deep Eddy Cabaret - Austin, TX

"Now THIS is a weird place for a strip club..."

When I was a child, my family would take a weekly trip to the Magnolia Cafe to enjoy brunch. A restaurant that deserves its own separate post, we would always enjoy pancakes and eggs there each weekend. Each time we would go, I would see this sign across the street, planted right in front of what resembles an old Southern farmhouse, with a mirrored glass door for an entryway (very similar to the doors most commonly seen in front of strip clubs, or so I've heard). I never asked my parents about that place, as I was positive that they had never been there before, but it always puzzled me why such a place of ill repute would be planted right next to a community swimming pool that held the same name. That is until fellow blogger and Austinite Billy Willson (the Catholic guy that walked into the bar) introduced me to this wonderful place.

While the smoking ordinance in Austin has made every bar a smoke free zone, the first thing you would think of when walking into Deep Eddy Cabaret is "I'm going to smell like a wet cigarette in the morning." However, because all smoking is prohibited except for the back patio area, all you see is a dive bar that appears to have been stuck in 1985. Rusty chairs of all different types, (Paul Rudd on mushrooms would get kicked out of the bar trying to count all of them) a couple of pool tables and an analog jukebox is most of what makes up this place, a bar that caters to those in need of a cold drink and some good music.

One of the biggest draws to me about Deep Eddy Cabaret is its no-frills beer selection (no liquor here). With a plate hanging in my honor at the Flying Saucer (celebrating my consumption of 200 different beers), I am a huge fan of variety, but there are also times when all I require out of my beer is that it is cold and refreshing. To that end, Deep Eddy delivers. Not only is the beer super-cold out of the keg, but the pitchers they give you have been frozen, to ensure that even if its just you and a buddy, your beer is always going to be cold. And with regards to the selection, Texas staples Lone Star and Shiner Bock are on draft, as well as Dos Equis Amber, in case you want to go international (for an upcharge, natch). Their premium selection consists of several import bottles, as well as local favorites Real Ale (whose brown ale is nothing short of amazing). Their prices are also amazing; you WILL NOT find a cheaper non-happy hour pitcher of Shiner or Lone Star anywhere in the Austin Metro Area.

In addition, while I am a huge fan of the digital jukebox that lets me pay 20 bucks to play whatever 12 songs I can think of off of the top of my head, there is something to be said about a bar that refuses to go along with the times and maintain a standard, A-N 0-9 jukebox. The music selection on the jukebox at Deep Eddy will appease anyone, whether you are a redneck hankering for some Willie Nelson or a 90's child wanting to bring back some Nirvana (No Nickelback though, sorry guys). And if you're into games, they've got two pool tables, as well as a series of board games that would make Zinnie's proud.

And, in an effort to bring this all back full-circle, I have to mention Magnolia Cafe again. While the food selection at Deep Eddy consists of nothing more than pretzels and chips intended to make you drink more, you do have access to a 24-hour breakfast spot right across the street. Because let's be honest; we can have all the Mickey D's burgers and Krystal Chiks we want to close out the night, but wouldn't we all rather have this?

In short, while Deep Eddy may not be the ideal place to spend a drunken and crazy Friday night, it is by far the best place to host an afterparty after being out on 6th street. While you won't find your soulmate there (the median age of the clientele is ~45), what you will find is a damn good place to get a cold beer and be within walking distance of one of the better late night diners in Austin. Just make sure to bring your cash.

Deep Eddy Cabaret, 2315 Lake Austin Blvd

The P&H Cafe

The P & H Cafe

1532 Madison Ave, Memphis TN

"Some people graduate from film school, but i graduated from the P&H"

-Craig Brewer

Nestled in the heart of the Memphis Midtown between several trendy(i.e. extremely seedy) gay bars is the only Memphis bar I know of with a low quality indie film named after it. Memphis's resident film auteur Craig Brewer (Hustle and Flow, Black Snake Moan) made his first movie centering around a Memphis car thief who frequents the P&H entitled The Poor and Hungry. This has lead to some confusion as to the meaning of the bar's initials, which were originally meant to stand for Peace and Harmony. The P&H is decidedly divey, filled with cigarette smoke and bathroom graffiti of the first order, but has a unique atmosphere that makes it a favorite of aging and current hipsters, yuppies trying to recapture their youth, and the arty college set (IE, white, tattooed, college-aged stoners). Some of the qualities that attract this demographic are the displays from local artists spread across the walls, the murals of Memphis political caricatures and a number of weekly events.

Notably, The P&H has the most competitive, difficult and lucrative team trivia night in Memphis. As opposed to other free trivia games that reward you with bar tabs, this trivia's reward is REAL cash pooled from the $3 per person entry fee. Teams are limited to six people, which you should fill with your five most knowledgeable friends, and definitely someone who has an expertise in Memphis history.

This is also the bar to go too for the jankiest karaoke in the mid-south. They have a million songs from a-p. Just a-p though. Also, they don't have a karaoke machine so much as some dude's laptop. Also their song lists are loose piles of computer paper that are out of order. And the drunk ass that runs it lets hot chicks go first, and also outed someone as gay over the loudspeaker in front of friends who were not aware of this part of his personality. But they do invite everyone on stage at the end of the night to sing Lee Greenwood's "Proud to be an American" (note the P) so that's kind of cool. Kind of.

Some other features of the P&H are some very well kept pool tables and darts, wonderful grease burgers, and cheap beer. I give the P&H 0/0 pictures of my self drunk, because I couldn't find any on my facebook.

Neil's Bar and Grill

Neil's Bar & Grille

1835 Madison AvenueMemphis, TN 38103901-278-6345

Neils is a large multipurpose bar located in the heart of Midtown that begins what i informally regard as the Madison Strip: a group of bars that begins at Neil's and ends at the P&H Cafe. Neil's attracts a wide range of clientle because it offers a wide range of activities. As a young man with a fake ID i was first dragged here by fraternity brothers to participate in Karaoke night on Wednesday for their entertainment. Thus began my well documented love affair with Karaoke.

Neils also boasts weekly performances by this man:

That's Eddie Smith on guitar. He does skillful country standards every Friday on what Neil's boasts to be the biggest deck in the city. He a attracts a crowd that knows choreography for "Paint Me a Birmingham", has memorized the secret third verse to "Friends in Low Places" and shout out requests for "Freebird" unironically. I can say first hand that he has developed a fanatical if unlikely local following.

Three mouthbreathing rednecks ignore their dates and gawk at Eddie. Pathetic.

Easily my favorite aspect of Neil's is this little beauty in the corner:

So many hours of my life, so many dollars of my pay, so many spots
on my liver...

Neil's boasts a highly competetive (and highly seedy) microcosm of shufflepuck enthusiasts with whom the experienced pucker can test his skill. Beginners will be welcomed with open arms, shown a few of the basics, offered a friendly wager and then hustled out of all of their beer money. Watch your back.

Of course Neil's does have some drawbacks. As foreshadowed above, Neil's attracts a pretty shady crowd of bikers and rednecks, in addition to obnoxious college kids who like to hog the pool table. The atmosphere and staff lack the friendliness you would like from a neighborhood watering hole, especially Neil's son who has a history of being a grade A douche on occasion.

In lieu of an accurate rating i'm rating this two drunk pictures of myself in neils, which are worth about .23 Drunk Zinnie's pictures each.

First Review: OLD ZINNIE'S!

1718 Madison Ave, Memphis,

TN Tel: (901) 274-7101

Zinnie's is certainly no secret to Midtowners and Rhodes students. Zinnie's is a midsized dive bar with a unique atmosphere, friendly staff, surprisingly satisfying menu options and enjoyable amenities such as board games and free popcorn (best with the Tabasco sauce the regulars will insist you pour all over it.) The greatest assets OZ has to offer is the spirit of camaraderie you'll encounter with the friendly and knowledgeable bartenders and the regulars. It's very difficult to enter Zinnie's alone and leave without some new friends. The bar has a limited draught beer selection, consisting solely of Bass, Guinness, Yuengleung and PBR. The bartenders have a wide knowledge of shots and mixed drinks. The authors of this blog have a great deal of history here: Many treasured and misplaced memories between games of spades and connect four. Here are my gripes:

• Lots of underage college kids. Though having an abundance of over 18 and under 21 coeds at a bar is not always something people complain about, they can result in the staff resorting to gestapo tactics to protect themselves from TABC agents.
• LOTS of smoke. don't bring clothes you don't want to smell like an ashtray.
• They used to have a kick ass jukebox, lots of local artists and motown but now they just have one of those internet connected ones that you can find anywhere. Lame as hell, Zinnies.
• I have no longer gone to college with all of the bartenders. We miss you James, Sabbath, Liz, and Rich.
  

I don't have any kind of rating system yet, so i'm gonna give Zinnies one drunk picture of me inside: